This is it. The moment we all knew was coming, but none of us wanted to admit it. The kids knew something was up because we didn’t hear Bryan’s “lovely” singing outside our window to wake us up. When we packed up all of our belongings and went outside, the bus driver, our dear, dear Ruben, was there to take us to the airport. All of the kids were standing outside the door waiting to give us all hugs. The caregivers must have told them that we were leaving. Little Sara was mad at me. She didn’t want me to leave, and I can’t blame her. I didn’t want to leave either. I have no idea if I am ever going to see these beautiful beings again. Every single one of them has changed me so deeply, that words would never ever do it justice. We all cried and shared really long hugs. When I look at these kids, I don’t see mental retardation, I see freedom. When I look at them, my priorities in this life are completely rearranged. Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of the US has absolutely no meaning in my life. I don’t have place in my heart for monotony anymore.
I don’t have place in my heart for unnecessary stress; or the desire to have “the next best thing,” a second pair of shoes, a nice house with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a 9-5 career, a Benz, (or even a Toyota!). NONE OF THAT STUFF MATTERS!! When you die, you can’t take any of it with you. And that constant yearning for more, for rest, for relaxation from chasing after something so fleeing, will only suck the life out of you. Who says you have to be the next Bill Gates, or Martha Stewart, or Donald Trump? Who says Kim Kardashian is the real form of beautiful? Who says being thin is the way to look? (Because I have seen thin, I have seen these kids wasting away, and let me tell you, there is NOTHING BEAUTIFUL about someone starving because they cannot help it, let alone starving themselves because they want to have a “certain look.”) WE say it’s important. We humans in the “developed” world that think we have it all together. We that think we know the all the answers and the best way to live life. Well, I will tell you who doesn’t care about what we think is beautiful: Jesus. God. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Mr. LOVE himself. The creator of beauty, whose ways are higher than our ways, and thoughts higher than our thoughts says this. The sunrise is beautiful. The way a fawn knows exactly when she is about to give birth to her baby deer, is beautiful. The way the moon and the stars show up every night so no one has to be in pure darkness. The way those “orphans” stretch their hands to Him, sing their “little” songs, and dance for Him. The way a man lays down his life for a friend. The way someone shares their sand which while they listen to a homeless man tell his story. The way you spin and spin until you get dizzy and fall down, and you laugh so hard you cry. The way a mother holds her child when they need comfort, and the way the child responds with eternal gratitude. THAT. IS. BEAUTY.
I refuse to go back home unchanged. Every single child has taught me something about myself I never knew before. I saw such ugliness in my life every time I looked at those beautiful faces. And when I finally expressed my “ugly,” when I finally confronted my biases, my selfish tendencies, and prideful negativities, Jesus swept them away and gave me a clean start. He gave me a second chance to let Him shape my life and to make me look more like Him. To make my life look more like these kids. When the world sees Nicaragua, they might see horror, tragedy, and hopelessness. But, now, when I look at Nicaragua, I see a nation. Beautiful people waiting for beautiful people like us to come and hear their story. When we hear their story, our lives will be transformed. And when we do something to help their story, their lives will be improved. And when we let it impact OUR story, OUR lives will be changed forever. That’s the secret. That’s how we will make a difference in this world. Until next time, Nicaragua. I love you.
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